Winter depression kicked in

Hitman Zeus

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Guys and gals I have problems;

When it gets to winter I have a tendency of getting a winter depression even though I have done as much as I possibly could throughout the summer to prevent it. I tend to get it every winter, but this time, it may be a little more then usual;

My father needs to get operated upon for both cataracts and an issue with his heart that is still being explored what exactly it is.
My work at the moment is getting tougher. I have about 8-10 co-workers in my department that produces the cases I have to assess, I have 5-6 in Singapore that do the same, and about 5 students that does the same but non-serious cases. I quality control at least 2500 cases per sixth month, but with this amount of people people that produces cases for me, I am getting flooded. I also have a lot of issues with some of my co-workers that is really starting to bother me.
My situation at home, (that I already talked with @Yorkist about this) is that I have two roommates and one of them have gotten a new job, while the other one is a weebu and a neet. Just yesterday, I came home after 12-13 hours of being out with both my job and visiting my parents, only to find out that the jobless roommate have not walked our dogs. He does this constantly and it is starting to take its toll on me now.

I am pissed. I am tired. I were so close to slap at work today and start yelling at people. I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and I will bring this up. I have been close just to start flipping tables and saying fuck this and go home.

I haven't been feeling like playing Planetside with you guys, and the reason is that I have a lot of stuff to consider in my life at the moment, while I have to do a presentation in front of a major company's local department and I have no idea what to do before this meeting.
 

wonderlove

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This will be a rant flavoured wall of text.

Like you say, you really need to talk to your boss about this, because it sounds to me like your job is taking over your life. This sounds really cool when you are in your late twenties/thirties, and then you burn out and noone can remember your name or what you did, and you end up feeling utterly worthless with the increasing flares of anger as highlights. Been there, done that, took me a hell of a long time to rebuild.
Do what ever it takes to get this sorted, even if it means changing jobs, changing housing, changing personality because once you really start to pick up speed in the downwards spiral you will only discover that there is no bottom, you just keep on falling.

The good thing here is that it sounds like you are already aware of this and are trying to take steps to rectify the situation.
I say again, do what ever it takes to get Life(tm) back in order (not saying it will be easy), because everything else will turn into escape mechanisms (games of computer or flesh, movies, training, alcohol, whathaveyou) to avoid taking actions (because they often seem harsh and painfull, or you do not want to take the time/struggle to find out what to do/try/re-try/try yet again in the first place) to either turn it around OR to see that life needs to take another path then what you first believed to be the correct one (here is where pride will severly fuck up your mind).

If not then sooner or later, when you look up while still on your way down, you will see those escape mechanism as small stars in the sky, and finally they as well disappear. There is no bottom (this is really starting to sound like a bad The Cure song), the path goes ever downwards, and you will march like a stubborn soldier all the way with a flag made of anger and bitterness held high.

Bad environment = change environment, and be prepared for that they will fight you every step of the way with a smile on their face.
Example: a major overweight friend of mine made the attempt of his life to lose the fat. His (lovely) parents showed up every week with cakes and sweets for several months/half a year. The real fight was not diet or training, but the mental effort in relaizing (and leaving) the environment that held him back. He won that fight, but the real victory was the mental mastery. Still loves his parents, and the fat is still off after all these years.

Bad moods = start the major journey/effort on figuring out what makes you tick, and stick to it. Your pride will be in the way. As will your mood swings because how they affect your decision making. You will need to experiment and be prepared to fail a lot. Part of it may be mental training (various forms of meditation), part of it may be hormon levels (figure out what you need to eat to make your brain work, this is personal). You will face a lot of resistance. Religion/new age/bloggers/pharmacy feeds on seekers.

For me it was part life situation (superman attitude combined with perfection in all and responsibility for Everything(tm)), and part brain chemistry.
Took me years to figure out what i really wanted in life (and to relaize how and why this can change), and to be stubborn enough to experiment long enough with my food so that my brain works like it should. For me food = drug, just on a different time scale than say a pill. Hormon levels are no longer a joke to me, I've got long enough experience now to see how it affects my mental processes, especially decision making. And food is the longterm hormon regulator.

I'm not going to wish you good luck because luck got nothing do with it. You're in for a fight, and it is worth the blood cost.
 
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dnaRIP

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Get your IRL squared away Hit. We will be here.
 

Zunk

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Hope things pick up, HMZ. I understand how you feel. Been in a precarious position at work myself these last few weeks....definately takes it toll. Makes me grumpy.

Hang in there bud and hope to see you back sometime in the not-too-distant future when things are looking brighter.

Cheers,

Z
 

PurpleHippo

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Nov 10, 2013
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Dont take me wrong now but dont push yourself to the point where you break (i did when i refused to listen and just kept pushing myself further), Focus on the things you can change and then change what has to be changed.
We will be here when you got time/feel for playing again, and if that doesnt happen we'll be here anyway.
 

bpostal

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Go get 'em Hitman! Then pour yourself a nice drink and hibernate for the winter, we'll see ya in the spring!
 

Hitman Zeus

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Can't fire one and hire two new co-workers?

I am an consultant hired out to a large pharmaceutical company, so I can't fire or hire new people. Worst part is that within the group of people I work with, I am the individual that have been there the third longest time, yet limited since I do not have a medical background or education, so there are some cases that I can't take. That or I have to talk with my pharma boss about different cases and if I am allowed to take them at all.
 

Ellynora

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Resisting the urge to give tips, as I know tips never work unless you came to them yourself ;)

I think the tings you bring up yourself are great. Talking to your boss is a good start there.
What kind of things did you do (during the summer) to try and prevent your winter depression?
Is there a way to make your roommate understand about your stress and how he/she can help taking some pressure of of you? (sometimes ppl just do see it, explain and make them feel like they can help, ppl love that ;) )
Is there any way you can release stress in a diffrent way? Hobbies? Training? 15 min favorite coffeebreak? (in other words: anything you can treat yourself with?)

All small steps, but small things can make the diffrence!

We will be here!
/cheers!
 

B45Hy

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All small steps, but small things can make the diffrence!

You just stole one of my precious life 'hacking' tips.. Oh well the tip is so good that it can be shared with everyone =D

Hitman take your time and remember that you can't be you without being the real you.
 

Hitman Zeus

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What kind of things did you do (during the summer) to try and prevent your winter depression?

I have been sitting in the Sun getting sunlight. I don't like sitting in the Sun, but I have to if I need to get some vitamin-D other then from tablets.

Is there a way to make your roommate understand about your stress and how he/she can help taking some pressure of of you? (sometimes ppl just do see it, explain and make them feel like they can help, ppl love that ;) )

My roommate is further out on the autism spectrum that I am. The issue is that he have never been diagnosed and is just living in a fantasy world in my and my other roommates opinions.

Is there any way you can release stress in a diffrent way? Hobbies? Training? 15 min favorite coffeebreak? (in other words: anything you can treat yourself with?)

I don't really have anything to treat myself with.


Other then that, I stood in front of 50 people today from SAP and told them how things were in my life over the last 10 years and how much I have changed due to my work. It went well. I slept at my parents house, while they were in the cabin last night and I had it so strange in a way. My childhood home without any people going around with their business was just creepy and I realized that one day I will inherit it and I have no idea what the hell I should do. It scares the fuck out of me that someday everything will change and I will loose my parents, the constant that have always been there for me.
 

bpostal

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Life is like that Hitman, fucking scary! Just remember that whenver you just wanna hang out and bullshit, we're here for ya!
 

ChipMHazard

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Or you could just go postal on their asses, we haven't had a good office shooting since... Ever really.
 

Hitman Zeus

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So...

Have you never been told that you are too good for your job?

Okay story time. A few months ago I had a case slip though QC that was lacking and got a very.. I don't want to use the word angry, but agressively worded about me not having been taugth or needed a refreshment course. Flash forward to about 2-3 weeks ago where I were checking a case and noted that we were missing a translation for the initial report, but had recieved an English follow-up that I were QC'ing. I ask if we have the translation somewhere that had been forgotten to be logged, but in comes this co-worker and can't understand why I am even asking for it. I explain that if the authorities comes and does an audit and comes across this case, we would have a problem explaining it. She then says "You are using to much of your energy doublechecking and trippelchecking for things you should not look for".

1 Week ago: she comes in and asks me to prioritize this new case that got a deadline for the same day. I tell her that I have already sent it back to her for datacleaning since she had overlooked about half the case.

She does not even acknowledge that my "double- and trippelchecking" is the reason I caught it in the first place.

Its been weeks with this type of shit happening and I am about to flip my officetable.

Sent from the future by quantum tunnelling